Sunday, February 10, 2013

WTFckery or Not? You Decide

Happy WTFckery Sunday, everyone!

1. It's not a true WTFckery unless we have some WTF  books:

Billionaire tentacle love. What an awesome literary mashup! How could you not want to read a book that has an excerpt like this? "The smooth, tanned skin at his wrists and groin and waists bulged outward. As I watched, slim tentacles emerged, undulating and coiling and glistening with lubricating liquid. All of them stretched out toward me, their octopus-like suckers opening and closing on air, as if they longed to touch me."

Synopsis: In this sizzling sequel to “The Billionaire’s Tentacles,” lonely billionaire and secret alien Hayden Kane has impregnated insecure curvy reporter Sheila Carey with his hot, slick tentacles.

At his luxurious island retreat, Hayden and Sheila reveal more of their secret selves to each other as they become more intimate with each other, while exploring new frontiers in tentacle sex. But can Sheila handle Hayden’s shocking revelation about her pregnancy?

“The Billionaire’s Tentacles 2: Ravished by Tentacles” is a sizzling-hot 6000-word story of true love and freaky sex. It contains public sex, double penetration, spanking with tentacles, alien sex, breast worship and sex, sex under the desk, monster breeding, a big beautiful reporter, a billionaire with a difference, some very unusual lube, and a whole lot of tentacles!

I actually read this one, and it was an adorable story, but the spot of whatnot on the corner of this dude's face has me thinking something more nasty than just chocolate.

Thanks to Jen at Red Hot Books review of Tower in the Woods, the sex scene she mentions is true to WTFckery form:

"Special Agent Dane Prince was sent to gather intelligence on the WITCH, and his journey leads him to a mysterious tower in the woods. Snowed in with a virginal member of the feminist cult, Dane is determined to use the situation to his advantage. Not only will Nel provide him with the information he needs, she will also learn to submit to his every desire.

Perhaps I should have seen the word "submit" and knew that meant the hero would tie up the heroine with a rope of zombie hair that doubled as a noose around her neck while he took her virginity... but then again, maybe not.  Regardless of what I expected, here we are."

2. The name, Subtle Butt says is all. "We all have our “moments,” so be prepared when they happen! These soft-fabric, odor neutralizer pads absorb any smells that are accidentally released." From Solutions: 

Discreet Odor Neutralizer Pads Never be embarrassed by “escaped” gas again! (Thanks to Julie at Yummy Men Kick Ass Chicks)

3. Speaking of subtle... (for Dettol hand sanitizer)

4. A new blow you all must visit called Penis Pans. "One woman's struggle to use her penis pan".
 The barnyard one is my favorite. Very crafty. A fun with penis pans book is inevitable.

5. Some people will do whatever they can to have a cigarette. From Huff Po Weird News:

"Portland firefighters cut a hole through concrete and used an air bag and a soapy lubricant to free an Oregon woman who fell and became stuck in a narrow opening between two buildings Wednesday morning.

Firefighters said they hadn't gotten a clear explanation of how the woman got into the predicament. Lt. Rich Chatman of the Portland fire department said she had been seen smoking or walking on the roof of a two-story building before she fell about 10 to 12 feet.

The woman was wedged about four feet above the ground before rescuers installed braces to support her. Firefighters turned on a portable heater to keep her warm in near-freezing temperatures while they dropped an air bag into the opening to slightly spread the walls."

6. New ways in losing weight are becoming very scary. Would you use a pump that will drain your stomach to get rid of those pesky pounds? From Salon:

"AspireAssist: a pump that will “drain” your stomach through a valve inserted into the abdominal wall. Want more details on how it works? Consider yourself warned.

According to the product website:
The AspireAssist Aspiration Therapy System works by reducing the calories absorbed by the body. After eating, food travels to the stomach immediately, where it is temporarily stored and the digestion process begins. Over the first hour after a meal, the stomach begins breaking down the food, and then passes the food on to the intestines, where calories are absorbed. The AspireAssist allows patients to remove about 30% of the food from the stomach before the calories are absorbed into the body, causing weight loss.
To begin Aspiration Therapy, a specially designed tube, known as the A-Tube™, is placed in the stomach. The A-Tube is a thin silicone rubber tube that connects the inside of the stomach directly to a discreet, poker-chip sized Skin-Port on the outside of the abdomen. The Skin-Port has a valve that can be opened or closed to control the flow of stomach contents. The patient empties a portion of stomach contents after each meal through this tube by connecting a small, handheld device to the Skin-Port. The emptying process is called “aspiration”.
7. You can find some of the funniest reviews ever for products for sell on Amazon. Have you heard about the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer?

One reviewer says about this product everyone must own: "For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. "Use a knife!" they say. parole officer won't allow me to be around knives. "Shoot it with a gun!" Background check...HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theatre and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I'll call it South Side Story."

8. I can't believe someone would do this to the most popular redhead in all of literature. When did Anne of Green Gables become a Seventeen Magazine cover shoot? From CTV News:

9. And your Regretsy WTFckery look pretty tasty for the Game of Thrones fans. Melted Moobs on a pop (the nickname some Jason Momoa fans *coughmecough* called Jason as his tenture as Khal Drago*

And there you have it folks! This week's best in WTFckery!



Ani said...

So the heroine is going to give birth to a baby squid, right? I'm ashamed to say that I'm tempted by the tentacled hero. I think it's because he's a billionaire. With tentacles.

Blodeuedd said...

Ewww tentacles and what on earth does that other guy have on his face

KB/KT Grant said...

Ani: Imagine what a billionaire could do with all his tentacles? The possibilities are endless!

Blodeuedd: Aw no tentacle love?