Here comes your favorite post of the week! All hail the WTFckery!
1. This gets a special WTFckery spotlight! The first parody for Fifty Shades of Grey has started thanks to author, reviewer and columnist, Andrew Shaffer, aka Evil Wylie on twitter. Say hello to Fifty-One Shades!
Synopsis: Why "fifty-one" shades? Because it's one shade better than Fifty Shades of Grey. New excerpts posted every day, until a publisher hands me a fat stack of Benjamins and offers to publish it.
Andrew will post new excerpts each day and right now you can read part 1 and 2 of chapter 1. I've laughed myself silly reading this and the opening sentence is epic funny:
"I growl with frustration at my reflection in the mirror. Damn my hair – it’s fifty shades of fucked up."
I hope Fifty-One Shades goes global like Fifty Shades of Grey and Andrew gets all those Benjamins he deserves. He than can hire me as his assistant and we can act pretend to be Christian and Ana and be all fifty shades of f'ed up together. Fun times!
2. It's not a true WTFckery post without some WTF covers and books!
Wil Wheaton must be so honored: Wesley Crusher: Teenage F#ck Machine by Kitty Glitter
Synopsis: Wesley Crusher and Meow Solo go on a sexy and violent adventure through space!
Reaction and title is self-explanatory: This excerpt makes it all the more interesting:
"As he installed a pair of large latex gloves, Charlie picked up where he’d left off and thrust two fingers into me and caressed my magic bud. “Oooh!” I inhaled sharply." *magic bud. snicker*
I don't think dumpsterotica is going to be the next big trend in romance (let's hope not!)
Dumpsterotica: How Dirty Are You? by Allie Beck. And its free for the Kindle!
Frustrated Marcia can't share her sex secret with her husband, Joe: her electric toothbrush gets more action than he does. Poor Joe is tired of dropping a Benjamin on a bottle of champagne every time he wants to get some nookie, but hey -- it works, so he takes Marcia out for a night on the town and what he hopes will turn into a romp in bed.
What he gets is so much dirtier than he ever expected.
Dumpsterotica puts the "rot" in erotica; after reading this you'll never look at a dumpster the same way again.
This is beyond disturbing. From NY Daily News:
"A drug mule who said she was three months pregnant gave birth at Kennedy Airport — to a stash of heroin, authorities said.The customs inspector noted that Awoyemi appeared nervous, so she was selected for a pat-down search. After feeling a “bulge” in Awoyemi’s groin area, the situation escalated to a partial strip-search, according to the complaint.
When she dropped her drawers, Awoyemi’s scheme fell apart. Pellets containing brown powder began dropping from her groin area — and the substance tested positive for heroin.
Awoyemi was taken to a medical facility at the airport, where the federal cops administered a pregnancy test that came back negative.
An X-ray showed more pellets in her intestinal tract, and by the end of the day she had passed about 25 pellets of heroin in a special commode that Customs officials have dubbed the “Drug Loo.” The high-tech toilet sanitizes the incriminating evidence."
Photoshop disasters in advertisements is full of WTFckery win! The PSD blog is my new obsession.
One of the many reasons I don't eat beef. From Huff Post Food:
"70 percent of the ground beef we buy at the supermarket contains something he calls “pink slime.”
“Pink slime” is beef trimmings. Once only used in dog food and cooking oil, the trimmings are now sprayed with ammonia so they are safe to eat and added to most ground beef as a cheaper filler.
The “pink slime” is made by gathering waste trimmings, simmering them at low heat so the fat separates easily from the muscle, and spinning the trimmings using a centrifuge to complete the separation. Next, the mixture is sent through pipes where it is sprayed with ammonia gas to kill bacteria. The process is completed by packaging the meat into bricks. Then, it is frozen and shipped to grocery stores and meat packers, where it is added to most ground beef."
People apparently will buy anything. From The Consumerist:
"The bit of McDonald's meat was auctioned off on eBay on Monday, by a woman in Dakota City who said she noticed it while cleaning up her kids' meals, reports the Sioux City Journal. The nugget stayed in her freezer for around three years.
"Sometimes it's OK if children don't finish," she told the paper. She didn't reveal where the winning bidder lives, but did say the site received 44,795 views, and 1,610 people were actively watching the auction. The woman adds that she'll use the money to help send 50 children from Sioux City Family Worship Center to a summer camp in Dayton, Iowa."
Every writer or anyone going on a safari should have their own personal Mr. Ellie Pooh Elephant Dung Paper Safari Journal. Only $17.99 on Amazon!
- Perfect gift item for anyone going on a trip, whether it is to college or a jaunt overseas
- Fairly traded gift items that make a difference
- Recycled sustainable poo paper at its best
- Pooh poo paper at its finest
And your Regretsy WTFckery has me wondering, who has the time to type out Moby Dick on toilet paper?
I hope you have enjoyed this wonderful WTFckery of the week...