Three Books That Didin't Work For Me

The reason I picked up Hollywood Spank by Shoshanna Evers because of the title. I did a combination groan and chuckle over it, and after reading the blurb about a big Hollywood actor who’s into spanking, I thought this would be a nice little steamy BDSM erotic romance. Unfortunately, Hollywood Spank is ridiculous and not cute or naughty in regards to the romances I’ve read where there’s a case of a dominant/submissive relationship between the two main characters. If an author is going to have BDSM as a main storyline, even with something as simple as spanking, they really should do some sort of research on the topic. I found none whatsoever in Hollywood Spank. And what’s worse, the spanking wasn’t titillating or sensual in any shape or form.

Andrea wants to be taken seriously as a reporter, but is a lowly secretary to an oily tabloid publisher. When she answers an ad for a personal assistant online she never thought it would be for leading man, Mark Cannon. Mark can’t keep an assistant because one of the job requirements for the position is to be spanked by him. Why? There’s really no reason given, other than he gets off on it. Andrea lies and says she has experience in BDSM and spanking. She’s hired. Not only does she give Mark his coffee and pick up his dry cleaning, but she’ll bend over, lifted her skirt and allow Mark to give her some bottom abuse. She finds out she enjoys it and soon Mark is falling for her. His spanking leads them to more intimate pursuits. But Mark has no idea about Andrea’s job with the tabloid and her boss who lurks around expecting her to expose Mark with every tawdry detail of their relationship.

Even with my issues with the inane spanking, there was absolutely no sexual connection between Mark and Andrea. These two are dull together. I even yawned during one love scene. The sex was more than underwhelming, and because of that, I couldn’t finish this sloppy and stale romance. This one was DOA (dead on arrival). An interesting concept that fails big time in the delivery. (Available at Ellora’s Cave)

Final Grade: DNF

Other Hollywood Spank reviews:
Happily Ever After Reviews
Sizzling Hot Book Reviews

The Reluctant Nude by Meg Maguire was one I thought I’d really enjoy from all the buzz and raving reviews behind it. Halfway through, this story stalled for me. The major reason was the underdevelopment of the heroine, Fallon Frost. We’re told she has some deep seated issues and doesn’t seem comfortable with affection. I really couldn’t see it at all because of not showing and using the good old fall back device of telling to get a point across. Fallon is too one-dimensional and flat. I didn’t believe at any point the chemistry and passion world-renowned classical sculptor, Max Emery has for Fallon. Meg tries to make a good case why Max is attracted to Fallon and wants to break down those self-imposed walls she has placed around her, but the way it’s shown doesn’t have enough reasoning to back it up.

Fallon is trying to save her house from an evil, rich man, who we only see in passing through phone calls Fallon has with him. Fallon will be able to keep her house if she poses nude and has a sculptor made into her likeness by Max. With no other choice, Fallon accepts and will spend the three months it will take Max to create this work of art. He thinks Fallon is doing this for her fiancé and since he’s been given a great deal of money for the commission, he has no qualms about doing it. Right from the beginning he figures out Fallon is hiding something and he’ll get to the bottom of it. Max has a way of taunting Fallon into opening up, which slowly evolves into an interesting friendship between them that leads into the bedroom. As Fallon puts her heart on the line, she’ll eventually have to leave Max for her life she has put on hold, as well as try and tell him the truth about the why she’s being sculpted into stone.

I found Max to be very appealing as a playful, hermit like Frenchman who loves to eat and drink wine. Fallon is just too weakly written to keep up with him and carry along the story and the growing sexual tension between them. Max’s courting of Fallon is very slow until it builds up and explodes. The love scenes were tastefully done, but again because I couldn’t believe the bond Fallon and Max have created, I wasn’t involved emotionally. The writing isn’t bad, but I wasn’t swept up in what should have been a grand and all-consuming romance. (Available at Samhain)

Final Grade: C

A few other The Reluctant Nude reviews:
Alpha Reader
Book Utopia
Penelope's Romance Review

The reason Emily and Einstein caught my eye is because I’ve enjoyed Linda Francis Lee’s books in the past and the cover has a dog on it. Also the idea of one of the characters finding redemption and being reincarnated in a dog to right the wrongs he’s done to his faithful and loving wife has great appeal. I thought this would be a tender reflection from the male protagonist with great character study and a bit of a romance. But this book fails for me because I couldn’t stand the two main characters. They have nothing to recommend for themselves. Emily and Einstein is somewhat cruel in its telling and has a major lack of heart I was hoping for.

Sandy Portman is ready to tell his wife, Emily he wants a divorce. Before he can, he’s hit by a car and dies. He wants a second chance because he feels he still has a life worth living. He’s given this second chance by his soul being placed into a stray dog. Coincidentally, his widow adopts him and names him Einstein. Sandy can’t believe he’s in this mongrel and must witness Emily’s breakdown he’s responsible for. She finds out how deceitful he was by cheating on her throughout their marriage, leaving her to be a victim to his mother who never liked her to begin with and wanting to take away the home Emily created that Sandy never put in her name in his will. Now Emily may end up homeless and lose her job. But then a hunky neighbor appears suddenly to lend support and is the total opposite of Sandy in every way. Sandy has to figure out how to help Emily find joy in her life again and forgive him before he can move on himself.

It’s such a shame Linda couldn’t have created better characters with Sandy and Emily. Sandy is horrible, plain and simple. He’s selfish, egotistical and he doesn’t change at all during the course of the story, even as Einstein the dog. (He may have, but I decided not to finish the book). Emily isn’t much better. I understand her hurt and depression because of what Sandy has done to her, but her actions have left much to be desired.

I feel when someone loses their partner due to death, they should have a mourning period before they move on and date or attach themselves to the next person they want sexually. Emily ends up making out with the hunky, blue collar neighbor soon after Sandy’s death. Now I know she’s in pain from finding out what a jerk Sandy was, but climbing all over your neighbor for some sort of comfort doesn’t garner my sympathy.

Why did Linda have to make all the other characters as cold and calculating individuals? Just to make Emily suffer more for the sole purpose to find the inner strength to rise above her problems? Making caricatures of these characters, who I expected to twirl their mustaches and throw Emily under a train turned me completely off. With enough books written, you’d think this one would be a winner from Linda. It wasn’t, and Emily and Einstein was a big disappointment that left me unable to finish. (St. Martin’s Press)

Final Grade: DNF

A few other Emily and Einstein reviews:
Book Babe
Geeky Blogger's Book Blog
Read in a Single Setting