Guest Post: AnimeJune’s Top Ten Awful Romantic Cliches

AnimeJune from Gossamer Obsessions closes out this week long event as KB will be back tomorrow from her cruise...

Hey folks, AnimeJune here, filling in for Katiebabs. I think I can already assume that if you’re a regular reader of Katiebabs’ blog, you love romance. So do I. Romance is almost an entirely character-driven genre – so the originality of the storyline isn’t the highest priority because it’s the individual characters within the story that matter. As a result, clichés tend to proliferate. For the most part, I can tolerate and even enjoy these provided the writing is clever and the characters sympathetic. However, sometimes clichés can be used for evil – awful, piss-poor, wallbanging evil. While in very special cases these clichés can be redeemed (and by all means, provide examples for discussion in the comments!), for the most part they ignore rhyme and reason in favour of all-out insanity. Because romance centres around the characters, I’ve divided my top ten list into two – five for heroes, and five for heroines.

The Top Five Awful Hero Cliches
1. “I Hurt You Because I Secretly Love You”
The Set-Up: A man is painfully, helplessly in love with the heroine, but for some contrived reason is unable or unwilling to express it. Because he feels unworthy of the heroine he tries to scare her away by being a giant asshole – insulting her, ignoring her, humiliating her, romantically sabotaging her, making out with slutty ex-mistresses in front of her, that sort of thing.

You’d think the heroine would rather eat her own hair than consider this prince, but she discovers he’s hiding romantic butter-sculptures of her in his freezer. Oh, well, all is forgiven!

Why This Cliche Sucks: Because it essentially turns love into a Free Pass for Douchebaggery. The hero can hurt the heroine, so long as his personal road to hell is smoothly paved with all of his lovey-dovey intentions. It posits that love is defined by thought, and not by action or expression – therefore, the way one treats or behaves around one’s beloved is inconsequential compared to how one feels on the inside. It also promotes the idea that the mistreated heroine can’t judge the hero by his actions or behaviour towards her, but must rely upon how he tells her he feels at the end of the book, which makes absolutely no sense.

2. “All women are naturally whores – except for you. You’re different.”
The Word: A man wasn’t hugged enough by his mummy, so he believes all women are grasping, calculating, manipulative sluts. Therefore, he grows up to cut a swath through the female population with his penis without any guilt or remorse. However, he discovers by chance a woman who is like no woman he has ever met. She is dewy-eyed, kind to babies and animals, bakes cupcakes for hobos, and only wants to touch one penis in her lifetime – his! Wow! Totally unlike all those other women. Sluts.

Why This Cliche Sucks: Because the hero is a misogynist, and even by the last page, is still a misogynist. He doesn’t learn to understand and appreciate women because he finally falls in love with the heroine. He falls in love with the heroine because she is different from other women. She is everything that every other woman in the world (apparently) isn’t – caring, compassionate, pure (see Cliche #3 below). Essentially, she becomes the exception that proves the rule. Now what does that say about the rest of us grasping, calculating, manipulative sluts?

3. “I’m in love your innocence.”
The Set-Up: The jaded hero, exhausted by the frivolities of the ton, meets a woman untouched by the corrupting influence of society. Sure, she doesn’t know much about literature, politics, or art, and will gladly take candy from disreputable strangers driving unmarked white vans, but that’s just part of her innocent, uncorrupted charm!

Why This Cliche Sucks: To be more specific, I don’t hate the theory of this cliché. In this case, I mean social innocence rather than physical virgin innocence, and I can understand how the social outsider and the social butterfly can find common ground. No, I just hate how this cliché ends up being perpetrated in practice: in nine out of every ten cases, “innocent” ends up being just another word for “ignorant” and “unable to protect herself,” which means the reason the hero loves her is because she’s not smart enough for backtalk and makes him feel all manly when he saves her from running out in front of an ice cream van.

4. “I can’t love her – my excruciatingly powerful masculinity is just too dangerous for her delicate ladyflower.”
The Set-Up: This is your vagina. *holds up an egg* This is your vagina during sex with an Alpha Male. *smashes egg with a frying pan* Any questions?

Why This Cliche Sucks: Because, whether the novel interprets masculinity metaphorically (hero believes he’s too rough, big, dirty, uncouth, muscular, manly for heroine) or physically (petite heroine + standard-issue 10-inch Alpha Male horsepenis = human shish kebab?), it’s a ludicrously silly, nonsensical and arrogant fear. Oh, you’re too manly for the heroine? Oh no. Whatever shall we do? Manly heroes? The very idea! Can’t have that! It’s like that episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer where the vampire therapist diagnoses Buffy as having an inferiority complex about her superiority complex. I’ve yet to encounter an example of this cliché that provides an effective and understandable motivation for a hero’s terror that his manly manfulness is too dangerous for porcelain female innocence, so whenever it’s used as a romantic obstacle it comes across as contrived at best and over-the-top stupid at worst.

5. “I love you, and you love me, but why don’t you go away for a while anyway?”
The Set-Up: The hero loves the heroine, and the heroine loves the hero, but the looming threat of the hero’s tawdry past as a juggling clown-gigolo threatens their love. Convinced he’s too scarred by years of grease-paint and sensual balloon animals to be the right man for her, he sends her away for her own good so he can make something better of himself.

Why This Cliche Sucks: Because it’s a flagrant page-padding exercise that has no bearing on character development or pacing, and it relies on the isolation of the romantic protagonist who suddenly has to solve his initial problem all over again by himself when the point of the romance is that the hero and heroine solve it together. Plus, it ends up making the end of the book boring as hell.

Top Five Awful Heroine Cliches:

1. “I’m too much of a Strong Independent Woman to Listen to a Stupid Boorish Man!”
The Set-Up: The heroine is a Strong, Capable, Self-Sufficient, and Independent Woman (hear her roar)! She relies on no man! So when the Boorish, Overbearing, Troubled but Secretly Hot FBI Agent orders her not to enter her home because it’s wired to explode, what’s she going to do? She certainly can’t obey a direct order from a Boorish Man! Might as well turn in her Strong Independent Woman card and go back in the kitchen, am I right, ladies? Years and years of explosives training just can’t measure up against Strong, Independent Womanness!

Why This Cliche Sucks: Because while it’s outwardly the fist-pumping “Gurl Power” slogan, deep inside it’s still the “women are silly and need to be rescued” mantra of old, where a woman ignores a man’s reasonable advice and ends up in deep doo-doo for it. It tends to be even worse in historicals, where it’s both annoying and anachronistic. Yes, Miss Spinster Bluestocking, considering a man’s advice may be beneath your Feminine Dignity, but I’m guessing having to be rescued from a burning building with your petticoats on fire because you ignored his warning about leaking casks of gunpowder may rest even lower beneath your Feminine Dignity.

2. “Oh, curse my gigantic breasts and huge lips! I’m so ugly!”
The Set-Up: Pity our poor wallflower heroine! Born in a long-ago, barbaric time when large breasts and bee-stung lips and full hips and long, flowing red hair were unfashionable! Woe is her!

Why This Cliche Sucks: Because it’s the ultimate lame cop-out, where an author wants her heroine to feel or be regarded as unattractive but doesn’t have the stones to actually write an ugly, or even plain, heroine. I’m sure that with the changing of clothing and fashion throughout history, certain body shapes and figures came more into style in regards to presentation and dress, but did it ever really translate into physical attraction? Was there ever a sad point in history when an average, heterosexual man would see a woman with an enormous pair of tits and go, “Ew, gross!” ? On further examination, I’m pretty sure that this is the Heroine equivalent of Awful Hero Cliche #4 – in both, the author makes a paltry attempt to convince her readers that her gorgeous and well-endowed characters still suffer as horribly as the rest of us.

3. “I’ve been in love with you since I was 3 – it must be true love!”
The Set-Up: The heroine has lusted after the hero and has schemed to become his wife – ever since he rescued her Dora the Explorer sippy cup from a sewer grate.

Why This Cliche Sucks: Because how solid is a person’s romantic judgement at three, or eight, or fifteen? Really? Do you know who I had a huge crush on when I was fifteen? David Spade. Yes, that David Spade, from the Tommy Boy and Adam Sandler films. Do I know how to pick ‘em or what? It doesn’t, however, mean that he is destined to be My One and Only. Now hear me out - I’m not saying that kids and teenagers are completely incompetent at understanding and identifying what’s good for them, but in romance the heroine needs a bigger motivation for being in love with the hero now that they are adults than how he gave her Barbie Dream Corvette a free oil change with his Handy Manny playset.

4. “Everything is my fault!”
The Set-Up: The hero loves the heroine, but she refuses his attentions, because she knows she’s an awful person unworthy of love ever since she caused a twenty-car pile-up, resulting in over 40 deaths, when she foolishly (foolishly!) wore white after Labour Day.

Why This Cliche Sucks: This ridiculous cliché, where the guilt-wracked heroine holds herself responsible for something that isn’t her fault in any way, shape or form, is just another example of a literary cop-out: it gives the heroine a dark, mysterious past full of guilt without the inconvenience of a heroine who actually did something worthy of dark, mysterious guilt! Now, you may ask why I made this a heroine cliché and not a hero cliché. Well, while heroes are just as likely to be self-indulgently angsty about past errors as heroines, thanks to Ye Old Double Standards, sexy heroes usually get enough leeway to actually make mistakes worthy of broody guilt. Romance heroines, however, as the characters the readers are most expected to identify with, are held to a much stricter standard.

5. “I can’t marry him, despite being compromised – because he didn’t ask the right way!”
The Set-Up: Lord Biggs loses a contact lens and mistakes innocent Miss Wedge for his mistress and the two indulge in a roll in the hay. However, once he discovers he’s debauched a virgin, he does his duty and asks for her hand in marriage. “No! Don’t be an idiot!” shrills Miss Wedge. “You didn’t ask me because you love me!”

Why This Cliche Sucks: Because it’s a blatant twenty-first century intervention in an historical narrative that makes the heroine look like a moron. You’re a woman in 19th century England where your virginity and purity are literally currency! You could be pregnant! You could be ruined in the eyes of society! And you’re refusing to marry a rich, handsome Earl who could provide you a lifetime of financial and social security because of Your. Fucking. PRIDE?! A man who is (as is usually the case in historicals) your social superior and could have left you high and dry but chose not to because he’s a decent guy? For a woman raised in the nineteenth century who is reasonably aware of the social rules and expectations of her environment, where romantic love in a marriage is a pleasant bonus, saying no to the wealthy peer willing to marry you after taking your virginity would not be an intelligent option. I guess one century’s romantic woman is a past century’s blithely oblivious idiot.

You can also find AnimeJune on Twitter @AnimeJune

WTFckery Or Not? You Decide

As I make my way back from my cruise vacation, I give you 2 simple WTFckeries for those who have the need for their weekly WTFckery...

Cover WTFckery here. Ignore the whole hand down the underwear, I am playing with my booty, but take a good look at his nipples. The guy could seriously poke someone's eye out with those.

One simple WTFckery from our favorite place for everything WTF: Regretsy:

50 Ways to Love Your Vulva (NSFW)

Enjoy this smaller edition of the KB Sunday WTFckery...

Guest Post: Historic Erotica for You and Me...

Author Keta Diablo of hot and smoldering tales, brings us a few erotica titles recommendations to tickle your fancy. Her latest release, Hot and Sticky is available to buy at Amber Allure. You can also find Keta on Twitter at @ketadiablo.

There existed a time (only decades ago, actually) when sex in romance books happened behind closed doors. Yet pornographic and erotica writing has always been available, despite the colossal means taken to keep it out of the public’s hands.

In 1801, Napoleon ordered the arrest and imprisonment of the anonymous author of Justine, and Fanny Hill was one the most prosecuted and banned books in history.

Here are some of my favorites, if for no other reason than their famous or perhaps infamous sordid pasts.
Happy erotica reading, Keta

1) The Delta of Venus, Anais Ninn
In Delta of Venus Anaïs Nin penned a lush, magical world where the characters of her imagination possess the most universal of desires and exceptional of talents. Among these provocative stories, a Hungarian adventurer seduces wealthy women then vanishes with their money; a veiled woman selects strangers from a chic restaurant for private trysts; and a Parisian hat maker named Mathilde leaves her husband for the opium dens of Peru. Delta of Venus is an extraordinarily rich and exotic collection from the master of erotic writing.

2) Beatrice by that well-known author Anonymous
A Victorian erotic novel which relates the extraordinary confidences of a young woman of intense sensuality and sensitivity. In her own vivid prose she tells the story of her education in the pleasures of the flesh.

3) The Sins of the Cities of the Plain, Jack Saul
The Sins of the Cities of the Plain; or, The Recollections of a Mary-Ann, with Short Essays on Sodomy and Tribadism is a pornographic book written anonymously under the pseudonym "Jack Saul", one of the first exclusively homosexual pieces of pornographic literature ever written in English. It was first published in 1881 by William Lazenby who printed 250 copies: a further edition was produced by Leonard Smithers in 1902. It has been suggested that it was largely written by James Campbell Reddie and the painter Simeon Solomon, who had been convicted of public indecency in 1873 and disgraced. Set in the form of a series of confessional essays, it tells the tales of Jack Saul, a young rent boy or "Mary-Ann".

4) Fanny Hill, John Cleland
Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure, known as Fanny Hill, is an erotic novel by John Cleland first published in England in 1748. Written while the author was in debtor’s prison in London, it is considered the first original English prose pornography, and the first pornography to use the form of the novel. One of the most prosecuted and banned books in history it has become a synonym for obscenity.

5) Venus in Furs, Leopold von Sacher-Masoch
The framing story concerns a man who dreams of speaking to Venus about love while she wears furs. The unnamed narrator tells his dreams to a friend, Severin, who tells him how to break him of his fascination with cruel women by reading a manuscript, Memoirs of a Suprasensual Man.

6) Lady Chatterly's Lover, D. H. Lawrence
Lady Chatterley's Lover is a novel by D. H. Lawrence, first published in 1928. The first edition was printed in Florence, Italy; it could not be published openly in the United Kingdom until 1960. A private edition was issued by Inky Stephensen's Mandrake Press in 1929. The book soon became notorious for its story of the physical relationship between a working-class man and an aristocratic woman, its explicit descriptions of sex, and its use of (at the time) unprintable words.

7) Justine, Marquis de Sade
In 1801 Napoleon Bonaparte ordered the arrest of the anonymous author of Justine and Juliette. Sade was arrested at his publisher's office and imprisoned without trial; first in the Sainte-Pélagie prison and, following allegations that he had tried to seduce young fellow prisoners there, in the harsh fortress of Bicêtre.

8) Story of the Eye, Georges Bataille
A novella written by Georges Bataille and published in 1928 that details the increasingly bizarre sexual perversions of a pair of teenage lovers. It is narrated by the young man looking back on his exploits. It takes its title from an eye which the narrator extracts from the socket of one of his victims, and which is then used as a sexual fetish.

9) Gamiani, reportedly by Alfred de Musset
Gamiani, or Two Nights of Excess is a French erotic novel first published in 1833. Its authorship is anonymous, but it is believed to have been written by Alfred de Musset and the lesbian eponymous heroine a portrait of his lover, George Sand. It became a best seller among nineteenth century erotic literature.

10) The Debauched Hospodor, Guillaume Apollinaire
The Debauched Hospodar is the tale of Prince Vibescu, Romanian decadent, who travels 'round with Culculine and Alexine, indulging in many adventures, each more impossible than the last, and includes any number of impossible scenes, like one with a Chinese boy that foreshadows Naked Lunch.

11) She-Devils, Pierre Louys
A mother and her three daughters sharing their inexhaustible sexual favors between the same young man, each other, and anyone else who enters their web of depravity. From a chance encounter on the stairway with a voluptuous young girl, the narrator is drawn to become the plaything of four rapacious females, experiencing them all in various combinations of increasingly wild debauchery, until they one day vanish as mysteriously as they had appeared.

Described by Susan Sontang as one of the few works of the erotic imagination to deserve true literary status, The She Devils remains Pierre Lous' most intense, claustrophobic work; a study of sexual obsession and monomania unsurpassed in its depictions of carnal excess, unbridled lust and limitless perversity.

12) Under the Hill, Aubrey Beardsley's
To mark the centenary of Aubrey Beardsley's death in 1898, the Cypher Press issued this limited-edition volume containing of all of Beardsley’s mature published writings, reunited for the first time ever with all the relevant illustrations, together with the lion’s share of his “juvenilia” which, though sometimes lacking the intensity of his later work, is never without charm, and sometimes has real interest.

13) Teleny, reportedly by Oscar Wilde
Teleny, or, The Reverse of the Medal, is a pornographic novel, first published in London in 1893. The authorship of the work is unknown. There is a general consensus that it was an ensemble effort, but it has often been attributed to Oscar Wilde though there is no reliable evidence to support this theory. Set in fin-de-siècle Paris, its concerns are the magnetic attraction and passionate though ultimately tragic affair between a young Frenchman named Camille de Grieux and the Hungarian pianist René Teleny. The novel is significant as one of the earliest pieces of English-language pornography to explicitly and near-exclusively concern homosexuality (following The Sins of the Cities of the Plain, published in 1881); as well as for a lush and literate, though variable prose style - and a relative complexity and depth of character and plot development - that give it as much in common with the Aesthetic fiction of the period as with its typical pornography.

Note: Wikipedia citations included.
~ ~ ~
Keta Diablo writes erotic romance and gay fiction for Ravenous Romance, Noble Romance, Phaze Publishing and Amber Quill Press. You can find her on the net at the following locations:
Keta’s Haunt: http://www.ketadiablo.com
Keta’s Keep Blog, http://ketaskeep.blogspot.com
The Stuff of Myth and Men gay fiction blog, http://thestuffofmythandmen.blogspot.com

Guest Post: Divorcing From a Beloved Author

Tassh aka Heidenkind filling in...



The Anita Blake series is arguably one of the first UF series.  With its mixture of violence and romance, it seemed unique and ground-breaking when it first started out.  But it's also known for alienating its very fan base--why?

Several people have blogged about their divorce with Anita Blake, with one of Katiebabs' posts coming most immediately to mind.  I also broke up with this series in book 8, when Anita slept with yucky werewolf, Richard.  Not only was Richard gross, but Anita was already in a relationship with Jean Claude--the way more awesomer vampire.  I hated that plot turn and immediately dropped the book.  Literally, it went into the trash, along with Obsidian Butterfly, which I had already bought.  Just recently I got rid of all the Anita Blake books, no longer having any interest in reading them.

How can these books, in which we are so invested in the characters, turn us off so violently?  I think it's because Hamilton, like many other UF writers, feels the need to keep pushing the boundaries.  There's a difference between character development and pushing the line, especially when the line you keep crossing is sex and violence.

Are these books like the Roman Circus, getting increasingly bloody and amoral just to keep us watching the show?  I think in some respects they are.  They can be redeemed by great characters; but with these long-running series, the author has to up the ante with every book, for fear that the series will become stale.  The only problem with this is what I think of the Anita Blake Problem: eventually it becomes unbelievable or unrelateable for the reader.

Are UF series destined by their very nature to run themselves out business?  Or do you think there's a way to avoid the Anita Blake problem?

You can find Tasha at her blog at Truth, Beauty, Freedom and Books and at Twitter @Heidenkind

Guest Post: It's All About The Men!

Author Lorelie Brown filling in for the day with some hotties to get your motor running. You can also find Lorelie on Twitter at @loreliebrown. Her debut novel, Jazz Baby, is available to purchase at Samhain Publishing and a KB recommended read.

Katiebabs thought she locked this place up right and tight, but I knew better. I found the spare key she keeps in the backyard, under the life-sized statue of Ryan Reynolds. Actually, I guess you could say it was *in* the statue. You really don’t want to know what I had to do to get the key. Let’s just say our Katiebabs is a strange, strange girl… Ooh, lookie! She left the liquor cabinet unlocked. Mwahaha!

Anyhoo, some of y’all might know I’m on twitter. Frequently. Oh, ok, all freaking day. I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM, STOP LOOKING AT ME THAT WAY. I also happen to like pictures of hot guys. Thankfully, I’ve found a way to combine the two. Gawd bless Twitpic.

Are you surprised I managed to work in hot guys? Then you don’t know me very well, do you?

I’ve also found a strange cheerleader section of my personality. I have a blast tweeting pictures of hotties at my friends and followers when they do something awesome. Finish a proposal? Get a picture. Make word count for the day? Get another picture. Get through all your grading? At certain points of the year (midterms, finals) you win multiples.

But the part that makes it a challenge is how different everyone’s tastes are. Some people are into arms. Cut, strong, arms a girl could grab and cling on to for the ride.

Some people like the tall, skinny, slightly-geeky type.

Others want blond with beards. (That one’s tough. I’ve got it in the back of my mind for a certain someone, but I have yet to be able to find any. Hrmm.)

So you’ve got to wonder how that factors into the romance writing. When I describe the hero I’m thinking of, is the reader picturing someone entirely different?

I wrote Micah from Jazz Baby without a specific guy in mind. Just an image in my head. After I wrote it, I saw From Here to Eternity and Montgomery Clift. (I had plenty of other issues with that movie, but Montgomery Clift sure wasn’t one of them.) He wasn’t exactly dead on in the looks department, but there was a liquid, deliberate grace to his every move. Enough for my jaw to drop open and me to run off and collect every picture of Clift I could find.

So tell me, those of you who’ve read Jazz Baby: Does he look anything like you pictured Micah? And even if you haven’t read it, you have my permission to wax on at length about his old skool charm. ;)

 
And just for fun, a sneak peek at the hero I’m currently writing.

Guest Post: Which Came First?

Author Kait Nolan discusses her writing craft...

When it comes to writing, the great chicken/egg question is which came first? Character or Plot. Most writers, I hazard to guess, fall more firmly on one side or the other—naturally leaning more toward character or plot. I am firmly in the Plot camp, which is to say that when I come up with initial story ideas, generally they are related to a situation or a what if question. The specifics unfold later based on the characters I stick into that particular situation. My crit partner is my total opposite. She resides firmly in the Character camp and always thinks of character first, plot second. It makes for some interesting brain storming sessions, as we approach things from two very different directions. We each have our specific strengths, but in the end, a good story must be a balance of both.

Despite my natural inclination toward focusing on plot first, character second, my best work—the work that flows from the beginning and doesn’t require endless rehashing and editing—happens to go the other way. Forsaken By Shadow, my debut paranormal romance novella was like this. The hero walked into my brain, fully formed, with a nasty case of amnesia. Who he was—whether he remembered who that was or not—fully informed the plot in a way that just asking “What if a guy wakes up in a seedy hotel room with no memory?” would not. Every single choice he makes, from the moment he wakes up, tells the reader something about who he is. It certainly informed me.

Here’s the thing. No matter how fascinating and twisted a plot you envision, if you fail to know your characters, to understand their drives and motives and needs and how that plays out in their actions, the story is going to fall flat. So while I’m very good at thinking up “what happens next” and coming up with new and interesting plot twists, if I get too far down the plotting road, I wind up with a book that’s driven by my own logic rather than motivated by its characters. And that’s bad. That’s what leads to total rewrites.

I ran into this with the sequel to Forsaken By Shadow. I had this idea for a heroine, an archivist and historian for the fae, who stumbles across some information that makes it clear that all the signs the Council of Races (ruling body of my paranormal world) interpret as a coming war are really neon pointers that the apocalypse is coming. The entire point of the story was her having to fight to be heard. So with another novella in mind, I sat down and plotted out the whole story—every scene from beginning to end. And it was logical. But it didn’t work because I didn’t listen to her. It’s what I would do, not what she would do. Once I accepted that, Dahlia opened up, informed me she was in love with someone else entirely, and told me that I would be giving her a full length novel, thanks very much. :looks sheepish: Yes ma’am. Clearly sometimes I need a reminder that they are in the driver’s seat.

The take home message, for me anyway, is that when these totally plot-first ideas show up, it’s best to write down everything I know about the story, then set it aside in a file and wait until a character shows up to claim it.

What about y’all? As readers, do you tend to suspect whether a story began with plot vs. character? As writers, do you have a preference?

* * *
For those who are interested, Forsaken By Shadow, is available at Scribd, Smashwords, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and the iBookstore. It is the first in the Mirus series.

Synopsis: Banished from their world with his memory wiped, Cade Shepherd doesn’t remember his life as Gage Dempsey, nor the woman he nearly died for. But when Embry Hollister’s father is kidnapped by military scientists, the only one she can turn to is the love from her past. Will Gage remember the Shadow Walker skills he learned from her father? If they survive, will Embry be able to walk away again?

You can also find Kait at Twitter @kaitnolan or on Facebook

Guest Post: My (Not-So-Secret) Favorite Romance Character Types

Keira writes and runs Love Romance Passion. She’s a longtime romance reader, a new Kindle owner, and a junkie for USA TV shows. She loves marriage of convenience plots and angst ridden breakups that ultimately end up in gooey happily ever afters. You can also find Keira on Twitter at @reviewromance.

When I’m in a bookstore browsing shelves, I’m on the look out for key words in the blurbs on the backs of romances. Most of the time these key phrases refer to the hero or heroine type I’m most eager to gobble up at the moment. Now some of you know me and may have heard of my preferences in one way or another as I’m not shy about disclosing them, but hopefully you’ll bear with me and keep reading.

4 of My (Not-So-Secret) Favorite Romance Character Types: *Cue Applause*

1. Damaged Heroes: I love these guys. No seriously, I LOVE these guys. If the hero is listed as blind or scarred, a recluse, or having headaches from an accident on the back of a book cover it’s pretty much an auto-buy for me.

I’ve gone over different types of Damaged Heroes at my blog, but I’d love your input. Do you crave damaged heroes? Are they one of your favorite character types? If you do, who’s your favorite and why?

I love so many, but one that I read recently was Kilraven from Diana Palmer’s upcoming June release, Dangerous. He’s pretty much the epitome of a tragic hero. The poor guy lost his 3 year old daughter and wife in a brutal murder and it takes much work and skill on Diana’s part to make his romance with Winnie, the heroine believable.

2. Clumsy Heroines: One look at my blog and you can see I am a Twilight Junkie. One of my favorite things about Bella is her awkward clumsiness. I figure if a girl like that can find true everlasting love – so can I! Plus it makes for much fun in the storyline.

I love Clarissa from Lynsay Sands’ Love is Blind. The girl has extremely poor vision and when her stepmother Lydia takes away her glasses she’s simply disastrous, over spilling teacups, knocking over candles, stomping on feet, etc.

3. Older Heroes --- Way Older Heroes: I like heroes who are a good number of years older than their heroines. They’re usually insecure about falling in love with a younger heroine or they’re jaded and regain some of their innocence by falling for the heroine.

Theodore from Years by LaVyrle Spencer is one of my favorite older heroes. He has a son who’s age is closer to the heroine than he is and that really messes with him.

A love for older heroes plays really well with vampires too! Those guys are not simply a decade older than the heroine – they’re centuries older than the heroine. Can you imagine? Yum. I love Jean-Claude from the Anita Blake series. I would eat blueberry pie until it came out of my ears for him.

4. Insecure Heroines: This breed of heroine is very close to clumsy heroines, but an insecure heroine is not necessarily clumsy. Plump and plain heroines fall under this category for me and I adore them. Their heroes are especially scrumptious because they work to tear down that mountain of insecurity and replace it with unconditional love. Tolerance, acceptance, and self-love are major themes in these romances, and really, who doesn’t love that message? We could all do with loving ourselves more.

Minerva from Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie is one such heroine. She’s a little overweight, loves to eat, and wears sexy shoes. It’s the shoes that do the hero in… he lives for her footwear.

So there you have it! What are your favorite character types and why?

Guest Post: You Can Have Your Cake and Eat it Too

The naughty Tam from Tam's Reads filling in for the day...

Not many people may know that I loooove to bake. I’m one of those Moms who felt guilty if she didn’t make her child an interesting cake from scratch for her birthday. My most successful was a domed turtle filled with raspberry mousse for her party at the reptile zoo. When I cut it open some adorable little 7 year old said “Cool, it’s got guts inside.” Ahhh, a Mom success.

I would bake a fancy cake every day, of course I’d need a passel of people (aka hot smexy boys) to eat them because I neither want nor need that much cake, but I do love finding interesting and intriguing cakes on-line. So I thought I’d share some of my favourite cakes with y’all as I guest post here today at KB’s place while she’s off relaxin’ and having fun without us.

Mondrian (http://www.cakewrecks.blogspot.com/) search Google images to see his work) is one of my favourite artists. My daughter found this picture for me and then I found out it is made at a bakery in San Francisco. Be prepared ladies who are joining me there this fall, I’m on a mission.

I’ve seen these rainbow cakes around the web and I would love to try one. I like the one with the colored cake but the colored layers are also beautiful.

And just so you don’t think I’ve completely lost it and have gone all high class and artsy with this post, you have your naughty cakes. Because really, what says “You’re getting married!” or “You’re 18! Yay!” like a giant ejaculating penis?

Or maybe your practices are a bit more out of the norm. For the hard-core felcher (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=felching+straw) in your life, something made to order.

Perhaps something a bit smaller, and all the rage these days, is more your cup of tea. How about cupcakes? Who doesn’t love cupcakes? Sweet and tasty. Yummy.

Are you into the leather scene? Maybe this is the cake for you.

Maybe in my next life I’ll be a baker, who can eat as much cake as she pleases without gaining a pound. :)

Kris’s Firsts... Say What??

Kris from Kris 'n' Good Books filling in with a very important question for you all...

One day, in a galaxy far, far away, I got bored and decided to share with people my firsts experiences.

No, not THAT. Icky.

*Yeah, there is such a thing as over sharing. You know who I’m talking to, Author of Orgies.*

Rather, the firsts that you come across when you’re reading.

Some of the ones I’ve talked about on my blog so far are fisting, rimming, fetishes like furries...

Erm, okay. Maybe it is THAT.

*tries hard not to look too smutty for Katiebabs chook’s readers*

So, what have you seen in a story that’s made you double take, reread, turn the book around to see if it works at a different angle, reread again, decide ‘no, fucking way people can really do THAT’ and then you discover through the powers of google fu that THAT really is true?

Don’t be shy now. Reading is meant to be educational after all. :D

Guest Post: Nothing But Trouble Book Review *Rachel Gibson*

Stacey Agdern has so kindly taken on the reviewing responsibility this day while KB is away on her rocking cruise. You can also find Stacey on Twitter at @nystacey

Fans of any sport are used to hearing the awful news. Players get injured all the time, some of them seriously. We hear about the long recovery, only after it’s over, as these athletes move on to the next phase in their lives and careers. Some players even go on to take positions in the upper management of their country’s world championship team.

Rachel Gibson’s latest book, Nothing But Trouble, deals with the long recovery of a an athlete who was in a car accident. It touches on subjects like drug abuse, the anger and hurt such a serious accident that can cause in someone who depends on speed, strength and accuracy to make a living. It is also a book that deals with dreams, which dreams really matter and what to do when the dream you had for yourself dies.

Mark Bressler, the hero of our story, was the captain of the Seattle Chinooks until he was in a serious car accident that ended his career and almost ended his life. But at the beginning of this book, Mark is in pain, not just physical, but emotional, as he watches the Chinooks win the Stanley Cup without him. And a long hockey career, as well as a Stanley cup victory was the only dream he ever had. Now it is gone.

Chelsea Ross, his heroine, also had a dream. She wanted to be a Hollywood actress, chosen for movie roles because of her talent, not her breast size. But the closest she’s gotten so far is dying in horror movies and small background parts in movies and commercials.

The struggle Mark goes through is obvious. He is dependent on Chelsea, his home health aide (hired by the Chinooks) for things he took for granted. He walks with a cane for most of the book, and he fights with the desire to abuse the vicodin he takes to manage his pain. And he must fight to reclaim his life

Chelsea’s struggle is a bit more below the surface. Does she still really want to be an actress? Or is it something she’s held onto because it’s been elusive. Must she too ‘rebrand’ herself?

Gibson really does a wonderful job of showing the readers Mark Bressler’s struggle without making him someone who needs pity. He is multifaceted and very true to life. You see him go from anger to gradual acceptance of the way his life has gone, and you see him even want to give up. But true to character, his spirit holds him together.

But it is Chelsea’s struggle that defines the book. Ultimately, no matter how much you adore Mark, it is crucial that the reader believe in Chelsea’s inner turmoil; otherwise the ending makes no sense. (Avon)

Final Grade: B+

A few other Nothing But Trouble reviews:
Book Addict
Romance Dish
Romance Novel News

Guest Author Post: Jennifer Estep's Road to Publication and Book Giveaway

Jennifer Estep filling in while KB is away living it up on her Caribbean cruise...

Greetings and salutations! First of all, I want to say thanks to Katiebabs for having me on the blog today. Thanks so much, KB!

As some of you may know, I’m the author of the Bigtime superhero paranormal romance series – Karma Girl (2007), Hot Mama (2007), and Jinx (2008). Plus, I also write the Elemental Urban fantasy series, with three books coming out in this year – Spider’s Bite (which came out in February), Web of Lies (which debuts on May 25), and Venom (October). I’ve been asked to talk a little bit about my road to publication here today, so here goes.

I’m a slush pile baby. Yep, that’s it, that’s the big secret to how I got published – through the slush pile.

My story is probably like that of a lot of other writers. Thinking that I was the second coming of J.R.R. Tolkien, I wrote a really crappy epic fantasy book. But I learned a little something from it and wrote a second epic fantasy book that wasn’t quite as crappy, but was still pretty bad. Altogether, I wrote six books – mostly fantasies along with a cozy murder mystery – before I penned my seventh book, which was a paranormal romance called Karma Girl about sexy superheroes, evil ubervillains, and a sassy gal looking for love. Karma Girl was the book that finally sold to a publisher, about seven years after I wrote that first really crappy epic fantasy book. So I was definitely not an overnight success by any stretch of the imagination.

Of course, I wasn’t just writing during those seven years. Realizing that I knew nothing about publishing, I joined Romance Writers of America and started educating myself on how to write a query letter, how to write a synopsis, etc. I went to some writers’ conferences, pitched to some editors, and generally did everything that a wanna-be author does – including spending way too much money on postage.

I don’t remember exactly when I started sending out query letters or what books they were even for. But I sent hundreds of those suckers out – and I got a ton of rejections in return. Seriously, I stopped counting somewhere around the 400 rejection letter mark. But I kept writing books and sending out query letters, and eventually, I started getting more and more requests for sample chapters and then finished manuscripts. Finally, I started getting offers from some agents who wanted to represent Karma Girl. I signed with an agent and a few months later, she sold Karma Girl.

Huzzah! I thought. I’ve finally made it, and it’ll be smooth sailing from here on out. Fame and fortune will soon be mine, with world domination to follow. ;-)

Um, not really. Not at all, actually. Just because you sell a book to a publisher doesn’t mean that you’re going to become the next Nora Roberts. In fact, I think that it gets tougher after you sell your first book, because now your book is out there competing with all the others on the shelves for readers’ time, attention, and money – and everyone else’s book is just as entertaining and well-written as yours is.

But I’d gotten a little taste of success, and I wanted more – much, much more. So in between working on the books in my Bigtime series, I started thinking about what I wanted to write next, and I remembered a story about an assassin that I had tried to write a few times. Remember those crappy epic fantasies novels? Well, this was one of them. By this point, I realized that I was pretty good at writing contemporary fantasy books, so I basically started from scratch and wrote my assassin story as a first-person urban fantasy. The result was Spider’s Bite.

I sent it to my agent, who sent it out to an editor. The editor loved the first half of the book but – and this is a big BUT – but thought that the second half needed to be completely redone. So the editor and I had a long conversation on the phone one day about what she thought was wrong with my book. And you know what? She was right about pretty much everything. So I sucked it up and basically threw away the last half – about 50,000 words – of Spider’s Bite and rewrote it. And the book was so much better for it. The editor thought so too because she bought the book, and the Elemental Assassin series was born.

Spider’s Bite was released in February, and the second book in the series, Web of Lies, comes out on May 25. So there you have it – my rocky road to publication … twice.

I want to wrap up by offering a few words of encouragement to all those aspiring writers out there. I won’t lie to you – publishing is a tough business to break into and an even tougher one to stay in for any length of time. But if you keep writing, if you keep educating yourself, if you keep getting better with every book, it’ll happen for you too. Maybe not overnight, but someday, you’ll get the call. So just keep on keeping on until that day gets here – it might just be sooner than you realize. ;-)

Got questions? I’ll answer them in the comments.

Interested in reading Web of Lies? Jennifer has one copy to give away for those readers in US and Canada. Just leave a question or comment her for Jennifer by Friday 5/28 for your chance to win!

You might know me as the Spider, the most feared assassin in the South. I’m retired now, but trouble still has a way of finding me. Like the other day when two punks tried to rob my popular barbecue joint, the Pork Pit. Then there was the barrage of gunfire on the restaurant. Only, for once, those kill shots weren’t aimed at me. They were meant for Violet Fox. Ever since I agreed to help Violet and her grandfather protect their property from an evil coalmining tycoon, I’m beginning to wonder if I’m really retired. So is Detective Donovan Caine. The only honest cop in Ashland is having a real hard time reconciling his attraction to me with his Boy Scout mentality. And I can barely keep my hands off his sexy body. What can I say? I’m a Stone elemental with a little Ice magic thrown in, but my heart isn’t made of solid rock. Luckily, Gin Blanco always gets her man . . . dead or alive.

Goodbye To Lost!

I'm a big Lost junkie. Unfortunately I'm not around to see the series finale *grumble grumble no cable on cruise*

So, in honor of 6 years of me screaming WTF?! half the time at the television, I give you a very haha video with cats explaining everything perfectly that has happened.

Favorite part is the Locke cat mentioning how he made sweet love to the island. And millions of fans raise their hands proudly how they loved maing sweet love to the island that is a version of Fantasy Island on LSD.

WTFckery Or Not? You Decide

Beware the WTFckery is here!

1. Some more WTF cover highlight thanks to Julia Barrett. Writer's Revolution "Digging for  Covers"

Perhaps the title should be- "Cold Bum, Long Sword"

"Touch My Sword Dick"

Man Chesty Orgy will commence. The one guy looks somewhat gumby like.

2. Saw this over at Wendy's blog- The Misadventures of Superlibrarian and rolled my eyes: Paul Is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion by Alan Goldsher will be released by Simon and Schuster on June 22nd.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME TO REALLY MEET THE BEATLES.

For John Lennon, a young, idealistic zombie guitarist with dreams of global domination, Liverpool seems the ideal place to form a band that could take over the world. In an inspired act, Lennon kills and reanimates local rocker Paul McCartney, kicking off an unstoppable partnership. With the addition of newly zombified guitarist George Harrison and drummer/Seventh Level Ninja Lord Ringo Starr, the Beatles soon cut a swath of bloody good music and bloody violent mayhem across Europe, America, and the entire planet.

In this searing oral history, discover how the Fab Four climbed to the Toppermost of the Poppermost while stealing the hearts, ears, and brains of smitten teenage girls. Learn the tale behind a spiritual journey that resulted in the dismemberment of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. Marvel at the seemingly indestructible quartet’s survival of a fierce attack by Eighth Level Ninja Lord Yoko Ono. And find out how the boys escaped eternal death at the hands of England’s greatest zombie hunter, Mick Jagger.

Through all this, one mystery remains: Can the Beatles sublimate their hunger for gray matter, remain on top of the charts, and stay together for all eternity? After all, three of the Fab Four are zombies, and zombies live forever. . . .

3. Can we say Big Brother watching? Twitter's Entire Archive Headed to the Library of Congress.

The U.S. Library of Congress announced this morning via its official Twitter account that it will be acquiring the entire archive of Twitter messages back through March 2006. In addition to a massive printed collection, the Library already has an extensive collection of other digital assets. The Library of Congress is the biggest library in the world.

4. Is this a WTF? You decide. From the Hollywood Reporter:

Comedy Central developing Jesus Christ cartoon

Comedy Central is developing a whole animated series around Jesus Christ. Jesus-south-park. Comedy Central is set to announce "JC," a half-hour show about Christ wanting to escape the shadow of his "powerful but apathetic father" and live a regular life in New York City. In the show, God is preoccupied with playing video games while Christ, "the ultimate fish out of water," tries to adjust to life in the big city.

5. Boiling of bunnies scene coming to a stage near you! From Telegraph UK:

Fatal Attraction, the Hollywood thriller that made a generation of men think twice about having an affair, is to be adapted into a West End stage show.

"Rather than a monstrous villain, Alex Forrest – the stalker played by Glenn Close in the film – will be more of a depressed loner. However, the famously chilling scene in which Forrest boils her victim’s daughter’s pet rabbit on a stove will remain in the West End remake.

“Without it, the audience might demand their money back,” Dearden told The Sunday Times.
6. Yet another lame WTF Hollywood remake. From Horror Movies Ca:

"A while back it was announced that MTV was going to do a new television series based on Michael J. Fox's Teen Wolf. Today Deadline is reporting that MTV has officially picked up the pilot and ordered 12 episodes. MTV's take on the film, which starred Michael J. Fox as a high-school student who discovers he is a werewolf, is a dramatic thriller with a buddy-comedy element at the center and a romantic plot line. It revolves around Scott McCall (Posey), a dorky high-school student who gets a rush of new powers, including the ability to attract girls, after a wolf attack."

7. Speaking of wolves, some wolf cake messes from Cake Wrecks. People actually make cakes to looks like wolves?

8. These fruit with their freaky smiles and big teeth really could give someone nightmares:



9. And your Regretsy WTFckery of the week takes some heavy art interpretation on the one viewing it.

Enjoy this week's WTFckery...

And Away KB Goes!

For the next week I will be MIA because I will be off living it up on a Caribbean cruise ala The Love Boat.

cue The Love Boat open...

Below is my sexy beach wear I am bringing with me. This bathing suit has me scratching my head because I really do think my body is a freak of nature. Can someone explain to me how can I wear a size 8 bikini top but have size 14 bikini bottoms? And yet I wear a small in my pajamas.

Poor Mho won't be going on this trip with me, even though he does look pretty sexy in a bathing suit. Don't you think?

But here at Babblings, we don't close down the joint. A few well known people have decided to fill in while I'm away. Yes, I will be away from the internet for a wole 7 days! Hopefully Iwon't go through too much of a withdrawl.

example of what I may look like with no internet access because it is crazy mad expensive on the cruise

So please do stop back everyday where you can to see such exciting posts as:

Monday 5/24  Author Jennifer Estep talks about her road to publication. She will also be giving away a copy of Web of Lies, her sequel to Spider's Bite.
Tuesday 5/25  Stacey Agdern reviews Rachel Gibon's latest release, Nothing But Trouble and later in the afternoon Kris from Kris 'n' Good Books talks about her very famous and shocking "Firsts' Series"
Wednesday 5/26  Tam from Tam's Reads talks about her love of cake.
Thursday 5/27  Keira from Love Romance Passion talks about her favorite romance character types and then author and blogger extraordinare Carolyn Crane has a very special surpise post that will have you gasping for air because it's so funny.
Friday 5/28  Self-published author Kait Nolan discusses her writing craft
Saturday 5/29 Author Lorelie Brown talks about men and more men and then Heidenkind talks about Anita Blake and breaking up with an author.
Sunday 5/30 Author Keta Diablo talks about a few select historical erotica books
and finally Monday 5/31 AnimeJune of Gossamer Obsessions talks about her top ten awful romantic cliches.

It looks like it's going to be a great week!

And I must give a shot out to my fellow bloggers who will be attending BEA and BBC in NYC the week I'm away. How I wish I could be there with you. You can count on me being there next year.

*Sob, Rick Springfield was going to be there!*

I wish that I had a Katie girl...

One last mention... many people have been enquiring when Lovestruck is going to be released. There is a change in my release date, which was supposed to be out this month, but there is a delay. As soon as I know the actual release date, you can be sure I will announce it.

For all those who will be lonely and bored withouth me around, don't despair, I will be back with some lovely pictures of me behaving like the innocent and pure woman that I am *snort*

See you all in a week!