Love Advice from Love Doctor Mho Fho *Gingham Dress Loving Woman Lusts for Three Men*

Dear Mister Mho Fho,

I’m in love with three men. They’re all very different in personality and looks and would die for me if they had to.

I’m a wholesome girl from Kansas who loves wearing Gingham dresses and sings all day long as I dream of sliding down rainbows. After a scary tornado flew into my town, my house with me and my yappy dog in it were swept away. We found ourselves in a land filled with happy little people who love lollipops, talking trees that throw apples at people, flying monkeys and fields of strange smelling flowers that made me giggle and then fall asleep (for some strange reason when I woke up, I was starving for something salty and crunchy).

My three bodyguards, as I like to call them, helped me find my way home. But for some odd reason a green colored woman all dressed in drab black kept calling me her pretty and wanted to steal my neat lovely sparkling ruby slippers off my feet. Also, she gave me the creeps with the way she kept stared at me. I was able to outwit her by pouring water over her head where she became a pile of goo.

Now that I’m back home, I’m having strange dreams about my three wonderful men. And I guess I should admit that one is a scarecrow, the other a tin man and the third a big fluffy lion.

I’m in agony… well my body is kind of twitchy for some reason I can’t explain. Please Mister Mho, tell me what I should do? Should I marry some sweet farmer who looks wonderful in overalls, or try to find my way back to my men and choose one (or perhaps all three) to live with together forever as we skip through those valley of strange flowers that makes me feel like I’m floating?

Yours, D.G.

Dear D.G.

First of all, are you sure you didn’t smoke, drink or swallow any hallucinogens or some wacky mushrooms? Maybe you found yourself high and ended up at some Comic Con or perhaps the annual Furry Con?

If I were in your shoes, I’d stay away from the Tin Man. He has no heart and he’s too hard for a sweet, innocent Pollyanna like you. The scarecrow is pretty flexible and has a good soul, but doesn’t have enough stuffing to keep you satisfied. As for the lion, he’ll keep you warm and snuggly, but the moment something horrible happens, he’ll leave you flat to save his own hide.

Your best bet is to sell those ruby slippers of yours and haul your ass out of boring Kansas where you can start your own Gingham dress shop.

And if you ever find yourself back over the rainbow, stay away from those trees. They’ll want to do more to you then throw apples at your head.

Yours,
Mho

Any idea who Mho is giving advice to?