Patience Advanced Book Review *Lisa Valdez*

As I read Patience, a few things stood out for me:

The virginal heroine Patience has an interesting family trait: thick, distended nipples. She's also is skilled at giving fellatio because when she and her sisters where little girls, they spotted one of their maids "servicing" their butler. From that educational viewing, they decided to grab some cucumbers from their family's garden and practice their sucking techniques. Patience becomes so good at "servicing" cucumbers that she soon wins the, "very expert at not scoring the skin" blue ribbon. Patience also enjoys having her bottom spanked by the hero countless times, over the other incredible sexual pleasures his is more than willing to give her.

The hero Matthew deeply appreciates Patience's skills at fellatio, so much so, his release is much like the "fiery waters of the river Styx, his cum was a fierce and flowing tide." And as his river floweth, Patience "found her rapture while drinking voraciously of the virile communication he fed her."

This is only a small introduction to Lisa Valdez's erotic historical romance, Patience that has taken five years to be published. Back in 2005 when Lisa arrived on the scene, Passion was unlike anything Berkley published under their historical romance line. Now years later, many historical romances have followed Lisa Valdez's lead. I'm not sure if she was an influence, but she was one of few, including Robin Schone, and in a way, also Stephanie Laurens, who really upped the ante when writing sensual love scenes.

Patience picks up a few months after the heroine Passion, and the hero Mark, of Passion have been married. Matthew Hawkmore's (Mark's half-brother) reputation is in tatters. His witch of a mother has admitted to an affair she once had with her gardener. Matthew was created from that union and now all of British society knows he's a bastard. His ex-fiancé, Rosalind Benchley, who comes from one of the purest lines in England, has turned her back on him. Her father wants to ruin Matthew because he assumes Matthew hid the truth about his parentage. Matthew in turn wants revenge against Benchley, because Benchley is spreading vicious rumors about Matthew and hopes to push him into selling his pride and joy, the Grand West Railway. Matthew is enraged and wants to lash out against his skanky mother, his friends who now ignore him, and most of all Rosalind, who will soon marry another man, but still wants Matthew, but as her lover.

As Matthew is trying to recoup, he can't get another woman out of his mind. She's Patience Emmaline Dare, his new sister-in-law, and current obsession. He first met Patience while he was still engaged to Rosalind before everything hit the fan. And because he thought he loved Rosalind and wanted to be faithful to her, he chose to ignore those pangs of lust that have grown steadily for the fair Patience. But now that Matthew is a free man, he wants Patience. He feels if he can dominate her and have her succumb to his masterful lovemaking, he will feel whole again.

Patience wants Matthew dearly and hates to see him suffer so. While she stays with her sister and her new husband, she tries to confront her own demons of the past. She's very skilled at playing the cello and thinks of this instrument as her one true love. (No, she doesn't "love" her cello in that way you maybe thinking) In a few weeks, she will go off and train with a talented master of music, who coincidentally also taught Matthew to play the cello. Matthew refuses to let Patience leave and wants to be her only master and rule her body, mind and soul. He knows deep down Patience wants nothing more than to receive pleasure and give it in return. He wants to channel her inner submissiveness and have surrender to him. Matthew decides on a course of action that will change both their lives forever.

Patience accepts Matthew's rules, with only one consideration, her virginity must stay intact. Over the next few weeks she and Matthew will come together, and through heightened sexual pleasures, with no intercourse, he will reach deep down into Patience's soul and through his skilled caressed and kisses, she'll kneel at his alter, to the point she'll live and breathe Matthew and won't ever think of leaving him. When Matthew finally has Patience where he wants her, he'll claim her as his own.

Patience has pages of pages of intense foreplay of many sexual euphemisms for various sexual acts, nicknames for the female and male anatomy and enough purple prose to make your head spin. We have an alpha, brooding, forceful hero, who pushes the envelope in such a way that should be shocking, but isn't. He's all for giving out punishments to his virginal, lover of the cucumber, who wants nothing more than to bend over and take it. But that bending over is not what you think. See, Patience is very much a giver, her mouth is always open too receive Matthew. As a reward, Matthew spanks Patience, where she grows a fetish for it. I expected her tush to have a permanent hand mark, a tattoo if you will, from all the heavy paddling Matthew gives her. And even though Patience can barely sit, she wants even more.

These boundaries that should be broken and should come across as all consuming, passionate and tempestuous, are not. The sexual play Matthew and Patience act out another is very cold and calculating, much as if I was reading a gynecological how to exam. It's pretty sad to find yourself bored and not titillated in anyway, especially since this is considered to be an erotic romance. I was not engaged, aroused or connected emotionally in any way with Matthew and Patience. Matthew came across as a manipulative, whiny bore, and although I did like the way Patience was portrayed, she was just so long winded, especially during those tender, let's spill our souls, scenes with her sister. I was bored half-way through and it took a great deal from me to continue reading.

Something was very much missing between these two main characters. Whereas I felt the connection between Passion and Mark right from the beginning, I couldn't see anything special between Matthew and Patience at all. Regardless of the amount of sucking, sobbing, stretching, stroking, hungry tasting and touching, everything fell flat.

I really wanted to root for Patience and Matthew and find enjoyment when they came together, but they were just too dull. Even with the passionate pleas of claiming on Matthew's end, and Patience's inner turmoil and final therapeutic breakthrough, and the knowledge that their love has set them both free, I never believed in their mutual attraction and communion by fiery lust for one another.

I will say that Lisa does have a great historical voice, but overall the core of Patience is very much a thin wallpaper tale with a very tepid and lacking erotic appeal. (April 6th, Berkley)

Final Grade: C