The KB 2009 Retrospective: The Small Things in Life Give You Strength

This post is the official start of my retrospective of the year that was 2009.

Excuse me for a moment as I talk about my life this past year. I had many ups and downs in 2009, probably like everyone else. I was in a wedding, went to a funeral, had a birth in my family and lost a job that still hasn’t been replaced. Funny how one event can change your outlook on life. But, sometimes we forget to take notice about the small things in our lives that can give us a moment of peace or a sense of joy and fulfillment we’ve been missing.

I’ve dedicated this post to these smaller events that have helped me through this year. Every time I think of them I feel everything will be okay, that the light is brighter at the end of the tunnel and when a door closes behind you, another one opens. And I can promise you, and myself, I will make sure to open those doors that remain closed to me. If I have to find a key or kick it in, I will.

I had a major epiphany the beginning of the year. Not just because my baby sister married but I finally have accepted the person I am both on the inside and outside. I grew up never thinking I was an attractive or pleasing to look at. This was in part to very low self-esteem issues and being overweight. And because of that, I could hardly look in the mirror. The day of my sister’s wedding, where my mother so kindly brought in hair and makeup people to do the bridesmaids’ hair and face, was a major event for me. As I stood staring at myself in my bedroom mirror with my hair, makeup and dress on, holding a bouquet of flowers, I didn’t turn away from my reflection in the mirror. For the first time ever, I couldn’t stop looking at myself. It finally hit me. In that small moment, as I looked at myself in all my fancy glory, right before I left to go to the church to see my sister marry, I came to the conclusion that I am beautiful. And even after I took down my hair, washed off the makeup and placed the dress in my closet, I still remain beautiful in my eyes. For once, no matter what anyone says, they can’t tell me otherwise, because the proof was right in front of me. Perhaps it has always been there?

Travelling to long distant places this year was another important event. Not only was it going to some place new, but meeting the people there mattered most of all. When I first became involved in the on-line world, I never thought I would make such great friends and acquaintances. So much so that sharing daily emails with a few has become the highlight of my day. From these emails, I was very lucky to meet a very special person who opened her home to me, without even meeting me. I hopped a plane and flew across the ocean nervous and scared as hell, not because I was meeting someone I had built a great relationship on line with, but for her to meet me. Meeting someone in person is very different than “talking” with them through emails or on blogs. Knowing when I walked off my plane and that person was there with a big smile and so very excited to meet me as I her, almost brought me to tears. My week in England will be one I will never forget because of her.

Speaking of on-line relationships, they can be so very powerful and heartfelt in ways I can’t explain. The same goes in regards to such a simple act from a person I have met only once and barely talked to in person but have the pleasure of communicating with her through emails and on-line. The pleasant shock on my birthday of finding a gift on my front steps, something I would have never expected, really floored me. I was speechless as well as giddy as a little girl by the thought and her kindness. And the shock continued to grow when that same person placed my name in the acknowledgements of her book this year.

That feeling of coming home everyday and not only have my parents there to ask about my day but seeing a small, black cat excited I was home to play with her. I now know  if I didn’t have my pet in my life, it would be a very dull one indeed. I never thought I would be a cat person, but after four months of owning a cat who keeps my neck warm during the cold winter days, takes naps with me in my bed, or sits on my lap as I read, is a lovely, all encompassing feeling that can’t be compared to anything else.

I have proudly embraced my eccentricities and this is in regards to Mho Fho. I know some think that giving an identity to a Bath and Body sheep is sad. A few months ago I almost came to the conclusion that this was true. Sometimes it takes one person to make you aware that this is not the case. I count myself very lucky that day I was with a friend who I expressed my worries to about this. She looked at me like I was crazy and said simply that my sheep makes people laugh and with so much stress and drama in out lives, my little fluffy sheep is something people need because it helps them forget all their worries, if only for a short time.

I am grateful to those who have welcomed me into their lives. That special friend I have dinner with almost weekly as we talk about what we want for ourselves in our futures, going to a friend’s newly renovated house, having lunch and eating massive cupcakes we can’t finish because they are too big. Seeing those I have come to care for succeed in their lives. My on-line buddies and one-on-one friends whose dreams of becoming published authors have already become a reality. I stand there and applaud their accomplishments and even though I wish the same for me, my joy for them holds no bounds.

My final long lasting memory from this year just happened this past weekend. Surrounding yourself with a group of people who accept you for who you are and know you so well can make all the difference in your life. You know my quirky and eccentric nature I talk about? My one friend I’ve known for over 5 years, who I’ll be joining on a cruise in May as her bridesmaid when she gets married, made sure to buy me the most off the wall Christmas gift because she gets me and knows me so well:

Yes, my new boyfriend does sparkle

I have to end on a ha-ha note as you can see.

These are only a few memories of this past year that gave me the will to go on and reach this point. The small things in life can give you a sense of calm. As 2009 closes, I wish you many great things, both big and small that give you joy and make you smile. And, when you look in the mirror, you can come to the same conclusion I did, and know you are beautiful. Just as you are beauty to others, the same goes for your life as well.