It’s Called WTFuckery My Dear Watson

*You will understand the picture by the time you finish reading*

I have a new favorite phrase. It is a play on the initials- WTF (What the fuck?). My dear friend Ana from The Book Smugglers was the first one that I knew of to use the phrase- WTFuckery.

WTFuckery sounds so naughty and so very appropriate for this latest post. Have you ever read a book where you finally reach the end and go WTF did I just read? WTFUckery is this?? I have just finished reading such a book where I was beyond confused because the characters and the story was a true WTF.

We have seen WTFuckery in books before. It's when you roll your eyes as a character does something stupid or out of the ordinary or the story takes a turn in such a way where you keep saying WTF over and over in your head.

Some of my favorite WTFuckery in past books I have read:

- Flowers in the Attic by V.C Andrews is a great gothic novel. WTfuckery happens through out and I am not just talking about Mommy Dollanganger poisoning her children with cookies. I am talking about the twins Chris and Cathy who act on their unnatural desires for one another. (Incest is best, put your sister to the test) The twin lovers escape from the horrors of the attic and have their HEA in the third book, If There Be Thorns, where they get married and live as man and wife, keeping their true brother and sister relationship a secret. Incest in romance is a true WTFuckery but for some reason Andrews wrote it in such a way where we want more. Does that make me a WTFuckery reader?

- When Anita Blake became a flaming ho bag who will screw animal, mineral or vegetable in Narcissus in Chains, book 10 in the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series by Laurell K. Hamilton. The WTFuckery shower scene where Anita gets ravished by the werewolf Micah in the shower. They use shower gel as lube. Anita spends this book and the next six with her legs open looking for more action. A true WTFuckery book.

- Many of J.R. Ward’s fans find Lover Unbound, Black Dagger Brotherhood book 5 the ultimate WTFuckery book in this series. Vampire Vishous of the glowing hand and fan of S&M has found his mate, human doctor Jane Whitcomb. It was such a shock that Jane was killed and died. But Ward did a WTFuckery thing and made Jane a ghost that can only become solid when Vishous touches her with his day glo hand of power.

- Breaking Dawn, the final book in Stephanie Meyer’s twilight series is another WTFuckery at play Isn’t bad enough that Bella becomes pregnant by Edward who is basically an icicle? How can he impregnate Bella if his little swimmers have been dead for almost one-hundred years? But it gets worse. Their hybrid daughter is Jacob’s, the former werewolf suitor to Bella, imprinted mate! Jacob has been lusting after Mommy Bella for years, but all that changes and now he will lust after Mommy Bella’s daughter Nessie. Loch Ness Monster super baby who can do a song and dance that reminds me of the scene in the Mel Brook’s movie classic Spaceballs when the alien rips out of John Hurt’s chest in the space diner and does a dinner show across the counter.

The latest book for my WTFuckery files is For the Earl’s Pleasure by Anne Mallory. From the cover and synopsis you would never know this is a supernatural tale. Avon has done this once before, where they tricked this reader with Tempted by the Night by Elizabeth Boyle. The heroine in that book became invisible. There were some WTFuckery moments in that one such as the hero having invisibosex with the invisible heroine. He has no idea what she looks like. They fight supernatural crime, fall in love, heroine becomes visible and they live happily ever after.

So is the case of For the Earl’s Pleasure where I was tricked again. I thought I was going to read about two characters who seem to hate each other but underneath their sniping and cruel words, they love each other desperately. The hero, Valerian Rainewood is a bully and so very mean to Abigail Smart. Abigail did something so horrible to Valerian when they were younger. You wouldn’t know it, at least till the middle of the book, but Abigail and Valerian used to be best of friends. Now that they are much older, Valerian seems to hate Abigail. Abigail is so afraid Valerian will tell her secret for all to known. Abigail can see ghosts and spirits. She is a regency female Haley Joel Osment from the Sixth Sense. Valerian thinks she is a freak. But that all changes when Valerian is taken captive by some crazed scientists and is drugged and has a out of the body experience that occurs through the whole book. He becomes a ghosty ghost and only Abigail can see him and talk to him.

Abigail thinks he is dead but Valerian knows he isn’t and wants her to find out where he is and why he has become Casper the ghost. He makes her travel to dark places no lady should go to for fear of her own death. Because Valerian haunts her bedroom, he sees her naked ankles and comes to the conclusion he has always loved her. They have spirit sex in her bedroom. He gets her off with his hands under her dress during a horse race in public. As long as he touches her skin, they can feel each other and the orgasm she feels are endless.

When all is said and done, I threw the book down asked myself, WTF did I just read? What was the author thinking when she wrote this story and why do I just not get it? I am surprised I can even write a synopsis about For the Earl’s Pleasure because half the time I didn’t understand what was going on. And if anyone has read this book, please explain to me what I have read.

WTFuckery in books is a scary thing indeed.

What are your ultimate WTFuckery books or WTfuckery scenes that makes your head spin as you read?